EPITAPH FOR OLIVER

Imagine for a moment that you are starting your first day at school. You go into the classroom and find your self sitting next to a friendly looking boy who tells you that it is his first day at school too and is just as nervous as you are. You start to talk and get to know each other and find you have so much in common. By the end of the first year you feel a real closeness with this person and a realisation that this new relationship you are forming may be the most important thing you gain from this time at school. The following year you spend more time talking with each other and sharing new experiences. Your relationship grows even stronger and you find your self feeling a little worried that you may not be put in the same class the following year. When you return to school at the beginning of the third year you can't wait to talk and share experiences of the summer holidays with your friend but you find, to your dismay, that he is not there. When you ask, someone tells you that he has gone away, moved to another town.

Moved? But you had planned on being with him for at least another few years at this school, you were buddies and would be for a long time! There was so much left to tell and share!

Suddenly you realise that you never did find out quite how he felt about his illness, or what was really going on inside his head. Revealing to him how you valued his friendship never came about either. Worst of all, you realise that you don't know whether you'll see him again - that you don't know how to find him or contact him.

The feeling is a mixture of sadness and frustration, which together produce something in between bitterness and anger. Why did he have to leave? Should you be upset at him leaving or at someone else who made him go against his will? It's not so much that he is gone, it's that you don't know where he has gone and you want so much to see him again.

At that point the teacher comes down the row to your seat. The message she leaves is very simple, but it changes night into day and bitterness into joy. She tells you that your friend didn't want to leave the school or the area. However, during the school holidays his father had been offered a new job elsewhere and they had to make the transfer very quick. The teacher leaves you a phone number so that you can contact your friend as soon as possible.

The simple message of the teacher turns your frustration into peace. You are still sorry to see your friend go and miss him dearly, but your sorrow is no longer bitter or blind; rather, it is sweet with the knowledge of where he is and the assurance that you will see him again.

The sorrow we taste with the loss of a loved one can be bitter or sweet, depending on one ingredient - the ingredient of knowledge - the simple, pure knowledge of our origin, our purpose, and our destination. The bible gives us this knowledge. It tells us our origin; it reveals our purposes on earth; and it teaches us of the life hereafter, assuring us that loved ones will meet us there and that death is a temporary separation and not an utter loss.

As with the boy at school whose best friend moved away, the sense of temporary separation that comes to one that knows the plan of salvation does not carry the sting and panic of permanent loss.

This has been adapted by Michele Tavarone from a book called: How different religions view death

I have known Avril for nearly 30 years and Brad almost 20. I was there when all their babies were born into this world and there when their darling beloved son Oliver died and was no longer with us all.

For the last 10 years I have sought answers to many of life's questions. This journey has enabled me to find a true and everlasting faith.

For the past 6 years I have watched Avril and Brad as well as Emma fight alongside Oliver the battle against Leukaemia.

Unhappily he lost the battle. However, that battleground was here on earth and I sincerely believe that the victory is his.

You see I believe that God is the greatest perfect loving father you could ever have and that He being the creator of mankind is in control of all things, nothing that has, is and will be done on this earth takes him by surprise. God sees the whole picture and not just a tiny bit of the puzzle. What's more our perfect heavenly father only wants the best for us even if we cannot perceive or comprehend the outcome.

And so for Oliver I am sad that I won't see you for a while, I am sad that we won't be spending time together. However I know that one day soon we will see you again and this brings me peace and comfort.

Michele Tavarone